Friday, February 27, 2009

Guilt pangs

Probably one of the worst guilt pangs that will haunt me for the rest of my life. A promise I made, and broke it on account of laziness and numerous other excuses. I still remember that day, I had accompanied mom to a lonely old age home in Panvel. Reason? My photography project. Somehow, I always felt strongly for the elderly and I wanted to capture their pain on my camera. And so we went. We were greeted humbly with a smile by the inmates and the head. Everywhere we went, the camera, a digital one got the most attention, and posing for pics wasnt a problem at all. The old age home meant for the elderly supportd orphans too. The youngest and the eldest gelled together and seamelessly shared their joys and sorrows.. I wondered where does immaturity go at such times? I was taken along with mom in every room, to meet the inmates. IN each room about 5-6 inmates.. and the pain I experienced when i saw them.. it was the vibe, the pain that was reflected from them. Their faces dint leave a trace of the pain.. but their eyes said it all.. Their eyes wer for us.. and only us .Come talk to us.. their eyes pleaded. While my mom did the courtesy of conversatiosn, I took my photographs.. 'I'll send them across to you all' i promised resolving to do it as soon as i get done with my project. Their faces lightened up when they heard I'd  be sending them the pics.. i was glad momentararily they were smiling. Each had a story of their own to tell, as to why they were in the old age home. but they chose to gulp it down in silence, the same way they chose to gulp down all the pain that was inflicted upon them by their own family members..
The project went well, and the pictures are close to my heart.. but I forgot to send them the prints.. I realized it after a long long time.. and since then the guilt has been unbeatable. Everytime it flashes on to my mind, I shiver. NOw i dont even know how many of them will be alive to see these pics.. How many will be pained? relieved? What? it was utterly shameful on my part to be so careless.. it's one thing i cldve done for them.. sheesh.. sheesh..
I got back home that day after the project (rewind)... I saw my granpa and dad fighting.. and i smiled to myself..they're bickering all the time, they cant do without a fight.. and luckily.. they cant do without each other.. those of us who have joint families are lucky. Its a disturbing reality out there. Really disturbing. 

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