Friday, February 27, 2009
Where I turn into You…
I know I am not alone.
And yet I feel away..
Placed where the rays of the sun turn into a speckle,
Placed where the strong winds sway..
And as I walk a mile,
My face breaks into a watery smile..
As I look back to the horizon, and bade good bye,
As I look ahead up the hill, and walk, teary-eyed.
I am walking, but not moving ahead..
I am missing. But not being searched for yet.
When time plays a game, all is lost.
It hides into the depth of circumstances,
When u need it the most.
Blink of an eye, and the familiar is gone,
What you once wished, turns into a regret soon..
In a crowd, you go to seek some peace,
When alone, you simply pay the price.
There’s never enough for anyone out there,
Just one familiar word is a surprise.
But as you go along, the path full of rubble,
You realize you get strong, the more you face the trouble…
Unfortunate are those, who’ve never failed in life,
Who think succeeding is cool, cool enough to boast in pride.
Toughest steel comes out of sweltering fire,
Calmest are those, whose minds burn with desire.
Coolest are those, who pass the test of the pyre..
And Humble are those, who never see themselves any higher..
There’s a lot, unsaid within me,
Every time I try to tell you,
You escape it so easily.
When I don’t expect, you make me do,
And make me feel so special,
I feel like a dream, so wonderful,
So happy and so real!
One moment, you understand me,
The next moment, you shut,
The doors that make me wanna come to you,
From the other side are locked.
You will never know how special you are,
I amnt a fool to tell,
This gap between us will remain filled,
With all those things unsaid…
Was just wondering how sixth sense works. And probably here in terms of friendships. It so often happens that you’re lost, sad, super depressed and someone out of the blue has asked you, ‘are you okay?’ and you wonder for a moment! How?? I tried my best to hide it so I guess my face dint show, I tried my best not to sulk so I guess my behaviour dint show. But then HOW? How did my friend come to know?
I’ve been caught up in that question for a number of times. Ok, face to face may be one can make out by the vibes you give out whether you are fine or not. But when it happens online, it’s all the more astonishing! My close friend has this knack. At times, even before I say a hello, he’s asked me, ‘what’s wrong with you? You’re not fine’ and I stare at the screen for a few surprised moments before I can actually reply. How the hell did he know? I guess some people know you just too well or have some super power sixth sense? What is it? While some do have sixth sense, some are awesome observers! I had a really bad phase in personal life during college. And a friend with whom I dint even converse like 2 words a day noticed it. And it’s he who came to my rescue and to whom I could pour my heart out completely unabashed. It was this brief phase of friendship which was so short-lived but yet cent percent pure and genuine.. Some people like these are just fairy-godmothers sent to you from the heaven above! But my point remains.. what is it about friendship? About humans? About feelings that is so transparent even as we try to make it opaque. It scares me at times. Makes me feel I am lagging behind in that department coz I cant make out or pin point depressions of people for nuts! Even if I do, I am really weary of approaching them and talking to them about personal stuff coz I feel in such times you choose your aid very carefully espl when it comes to revealing the reason behind your moods. And I don’t think I’d fit in or deserve that role anyway and to top it all, people tend to get suspicious of you interfering and irritating.
But sigh. When friends do that to me, I feel special. I feel good. I feel there’s a ray of hope where in this noisy crabby world, a lot can still be felt and said without much effort J touchwood.
A story of silence
I sat there, alone in the crowded classroom. There was so much noise around, but it all seemed like a distant buzz to my ears. There was so much movement around me, so many people preparing for presentations. Some rehearsing their speeches, others setting up the projector, the rest chattering amongst themselves. But they all appeared like blurred dots to me. I had taken off my specks and laid my head down on the bench. No one bothered me. ‘The presentation is about to begin.’ A clear voice rang through my ears. I upped my head by barely an inch above the desk to look who spoke. It was the teacher announcing the commencement of the next presentation. I stared at the blurred outline of an old cupboard lying in our classroom. There was movement around. But it dint bother me. I kept staring like an idiot. It took me a while before I could register some vivid movement out there. Near the cupboard I mean. Someone was franctically waving out to me. My pupils contracted as I carefully looked in that direction. It was this classmate of mine whom I must’ve not even exchanged 10 words ever since I stepped into college. I looked up a bit and unsurely pointed out a finger to myself to indicate ‘who me?’. He nodded with a charming smile on his face. He continued to wave until I waved back with a faint trace of smile on my face. Why he did that, I had no clue. But I could guess he spotted silence in the commotion. A while later he came to me and said, ‘hey, will you be there to see my play tomorrow?’ ‘Me?’ I asked again, stupidly. ‘Yes, you.’ He replied calmly. ‘Umm.. ok. Sure.’ I replied, still, stupidly. ‘Tomorrow. Be there to see it. Ok?’ he said and left me aghast. I went back home, admittedly, smiling. Even though I dint know what had happened, I surely recognized the effort to make me feel wanted and to make me feel good. To my pleasant surprise, it wasn’t the end of it all..
I went home and as a habit and a ritual, I signed into MSN messenger. All the nocturnal creatures like me were online. Yes, he was online too. He never spoke to me online either. Never ever since my last two years in college. I just looked at his name out there and smiled. ‘Hi, how are you?’ came a pop-up of a chat window.. And to my pleasant surprise, it was him! ‘Hi! I’m good.’ I replied. ‘But you don’t look so good in college. I have been observing you. You have been very quiet and down lately. What has happened?’ he asked, much to my surprise.. ‘Uhh.. well, a lot is down lately.’ I admitted. ‘If you want, you can tell me. I promise you I wont tell this to anyone. I can be an outlet to your problems. Talk it out.’ He offered instantly. Ok, here was this guy who dint even speak a few sentences with me ever, and yet, and simply yet he had sensed so much that was going around. There are times when you let your heart take over the rationale. By logic I shouldn’t have given a damn to his offer and should have politely refused. But my heart told me he was god sent. He was the outlet I was looking for. An unknown person who’d listen to me, understand me and yet, stay away from me. Without a second of hesitation, I poured out my heart to him. He heard me out patiently. And even gave me some great advice which I remember till date. That night I shed tremendous burden from my mind. It brought back a smile on my face. We never bothered to talk much after that incident.. occasionally when things went low, he did ask. But never much otherwise. But one glance at him and I knew there was someone who cared. Who wanted to be there when I was alone. You mustve come across such people.. They’re special. Extremely special..