Health is a choice we make

Over this ongoing period of my diet, I have realized, health is a choice we make. 'Will you be able to do it?' asked my dietician, with complete cloud of doubt cast over her face. 'Eating out 4 times in a day! How will you do it?' she asked again as I stared dumbfounded at her. Ab kya bolun! I knew I had to lose weight, 'but when?' is something the whole of zamana kept asking me. I had no answer. And finally I was there. I thought hard, like exam hai bhai, kuch toh jawaab dena padega. And then I looked straight in her face and told her 'Listen, all 25 years of my life, I have had all kinds of food.. sweet, cheese, oil, baked, fried, toasted, everything.. everything I always wanted to have.. no one's ever stopped me. I have enjoyed my food for that period of my life. Now, I want to see how it is to lead a healthy life. So yes, I am on.' I finished with this Oscar type speech. She blinked. And recovered. 'Okay. Let's start'. And there, I have begun working on my unfinished dreams of years.

They said it would be tough, in the beginning to let go of all the junk. But somewhere, I had achieved nirvana. I had plonked so much crap into myself, that dieting seemed like having a bath after being dirty for ages. It was fun. And today, intelligent nutritionists do not abuse the word diet. It's not starve and crave wala diet. I was secretly abusing my dietician for giving me cheese, paneer, bread as a part of my diet, my family thought 'WHAT THE HELL'. But I realized, I had to trust her. Coz whenever I put my foot on the weighing scale, she was palpitating more than me! She used to cross her fingers hoping i've lost weight. And sure enough, it worked. She still ensures I get what I like.. of course, when I see those pasteries, puffs, ban maska, cakes, rolls and burgers, my heart lurches back to those days I used to hog.. wowwwww.. but then, the famous hindi dialogue, 'kuch paane ke liye, kuch khona padta hai'. What is also working for me is, people around me support me more than myself. It's beautiful how everyone wants you to be healthy. From mom who makes omelettes early morning to my colleagues at workplace who keep an eye on my sneak peeks with fried snacks. It's just wonderful to see everyone care.

So then I do my bit. I had given up wanting to be an early riser. And lo! Behold, I get up, go for a walk almost every day. It's a choice I've made. It's a sign I have read, an opportunity I have clung to. Of course, there are miles to go before I sleep, or even celebrate a teeny weeny bit. Yeh picture abhi baaki hai mere dost ;) Cheers to a healthy life!

What does it take?

What does it take, for the world to sit up and notice you?
Good looks? If you have some, you're the apple of the eye. Else you're the onion that can make others cry.
Then may be, good fashion sense? Ah that makes up for the looks part of it, if you dress well, you must be someone worth talking to.
Or then, position and power? After all, power doesn't come to just about anybody! If you have the power, surely you're special.
Or how well you're networked may be. Hmm. Sounds good. I don't care who you are. I love the people you're around with.
Or then, may be you have famous parents? There you go, you're labelled as one among the spoilt brat generation
Oh and ultimately, if you've got the riches, you've got the world at your feet.

But what if you don't want to do or don't have either of the above? And yet you want to achieve fame, get noticed and respected?
The world is a place full of hypocrites and superficial people. Deep down they value much more than just what's stated above. But they need to be bought to their senses. Superficial judgement will give you superficial winners. Many say 'beauty matters. beautiful people get noticed and that's the truth'.. And many forget, 'beauty is a weak magnet. And when this magnet loses its power, the consequences are terrible'. If you're one of those seeking a voice and trying to get the world to notice you, don't give up. Let your work speak. Dream your dreams and live your goals, get where you want to, while the world fights to please the above. It's not about getting yourself noticed. It's about sticking up for all those who get ignored, just because they're not beautiful/rich/fashionable/powerful/well networked etc. 

Leave them alone!

Hmm.. ever since the T20WC, i've been following the Indian media daily on its sports analysis. And believe me, I have read every little blog, article or anything to do with Indian cricket team. The stance of the media has been pretty disgusting right from the start and has gotten desperate and ugly now that India has been washed out of the T20 world cup. I start by saying the word 'media' coz it is largely responsible for shaping up the opinions and shaking up the dressing rooms. We shall address the question 'how?' in a moment.

Firstly for starters I'd like to address those who'd say 'Arre, Dhoni ne toh paisa kama liya, usko kya farak padta hai.. ' Boss, everyone knows cricket in India is a passion, is a religion and is grossly commercialized even at the expense of other sports and sportspersons. But having said that, there is no way one can take away credit from those guys who are playing cricket in India. So, if you're jealous of the money they're getting, why don't you go play cricket? But saying that playing cricket is easy money is undermining the toil, effort and struggle gone into the making of each and every sportsperson that comes from the gullies of India. Hence, respect every sportsperson, be it a cricketer or someone else. I follow cricket, so here I'm writing about it.

Now, what the hell was everyone expecting from Team India? I mean for god's sake, these blokes have been proving themselves for a long time now.. All I remember from last few series is only wins and draws.. hardly any loses! And all of this within a period of months!! How the hell can you thrust matches after matches on them and keep expecting them to win everything under the sun? Many might say, they dint win when it mattered the most. I'm saying, it's alright.. Chill! They still remain one of the topmost teams to beat, a team that every other cricketing nation fears.. and till the time that hasn't changed, I don't see why the support given to MSD and the Team India should.

Talking about Dhoni, the poor guy has undergone a hell lot of a grind. Yes, so he had his differences with Sehwag, which the media, very kindly blew out of proportion. Believe it or not, this was a big distraction for team India fans, forget the Team India itself! I am not saying media shouldn't have reported this, but the way this analysis, of Dhoni's every statement went on was pretty much 'i-got-fodder-for-next-10-days' matter. Secondly, the only few mistakes he made were in the crucial game against England. Yes, those were bloody stupid and crappy mistakes.. and probably political too? Who knows? But the guy admitted having made those mistakes, took full responsibility of the same and pledged improvement. What more can he do? (even assuming 'usko promise karne mai kya jaata hai', still, what more can he do?). Suddenly media comes up with dubious headlines like 'Dhoni's dream run is over?' 'Captain cool is uncool?' I mean what bull shit! I believe Dhoni and his team's dream run is very much on! I tell you why? The guy is someone who's come up the hard way. He has taken up captancy under very tense circumstances and has built this younger team (and even lead it to win T20 worldcup) without any Tendulkar-like record breaking match winning players at disposal. In fact, he himself remains the No.1 batsman on ICC rankings due to his ability to finish matches. Dhoni is a kind of person who learns from mistakes and rectifies them. He is the kind of player who will experiment against majority. And when you take risks, it's either rewards or brickbats.

I think it's too early to write off this Indian Team. I have full faith in each and every player. In fact im appalled at the thought that they've got a series coming up in the next 10 days!!! I just hope the boys go out there and shut up these useless experts who (expectedly) crown you the moment you win and drown you the moment you lose! Go get em!

when joy scares

So often it happens to me.. there's too much joy around. Everything goes perfect. All wishes seem to be coming true.. and the very next sane moment, everything vanishes.. just vanishes... its like the entire process is put into a reverse gear. And at that time it hurts so much, that it takes time to come out of the sudden contrast of moments.

The result is that I've stopped enjoying happy moments. In fact, I am actually scared of them. It's not that I am not prepared to face what comes next. But I just lose value of the happiness that surrounds me in the present. It is like this glass that is sure to break. It is like this dream which once you see, will make sure it will never become a reality. I tried discarding this feeling as a mental block. But you see, experience makes my case stronger. Ofcourse it also reinforces the old adage that 'After every bad, there is good' and vice versa. Hence I am really confused what to do.. I try to enjoy my happiness, but most often end up not taking it seriously. It's like 'What's in it to be so happy about? It's going to turn into something bad anyways'.

I know its a negative and a really bad cycle of thought.. I sometimes curse myself for it.. But I just dont know what to do.. Enjoy the moment and perhaps take strength from it to face the hurt? Too idealistic. Any suggestions?

Hope and helplessness

On a light Gudi Padwa evening. I board a relatively empty train from Elphistone station. I sit at the window, letting my mind wander. In 15 mins, my mind jerks to the present as the train jerks towards the Bandra station. I see a very old lady, decently dressed in a saree, with whispy grey hair and immense dark circles, struggling to reach the second class ladies compartment, which is just behind mine (first class compartment). Will she reach? Oh no! I panic. She cant walk fast. And the second class compartment is 10 times more crowded than first class where there are hardly 4 of us. Oh no.. the train jerks and starts moving slowly. I see she has just made it. She gets in. I relax and turn back to the window ready to get lost in thoughts.

'Beta, breast cancer hai. Operation ke liye madad karo', I happen to hear and I turn back in a nanosecond, to find that same old lady clutching her bag with one hand, and begging with other hand to those train passengers. I get shaken out of my reverie. She isn't crying, she isn't a tattered beggar either, nor is she pleading.. she has the look of 'i will do what it takes.' in her eyes. No one responds. No one. I look back outside the window, completely shaken. My Ipod chooses to play the song 'sapno se bhare naina' exactly at the same time. It aggrevates the feeling. The train stops at Khar. I find this time, the lady slowly struggling to get into my compartment. 'Beta, breast cancer hai. Operation ke liye thodi madad karo'. I amnt thinking logical. I dont want to. Worst come worst she must be lying, duping, talking crap. I have no means to verify. All I know is that for a lady of her age, in that condition, where she can barely walk, barely stand straight, even lying is a burden. I give her 10 Rs. But the guilt within me instead of dying, doubles. What must've happened to her? Is she doing  this out of choice? Or is she doing it because she doesnt want to give up? Looks like the latter. The rest in my compartment refuse to even look at her. They are infact staring at me and giving me the 'you-ppl-encourage-them' looks. Next station, she alights and boards the adjacent first class compartment. Only one girl is sitting there. And she doesnt respond. The old lady sighs and sits down with her head resting on the metal bars. At Parla, she alights the train, and stands right in front of the second class ladies section. Perhaps, to board the next train, with as much hope, that someone might not think rationally, and she might finally earn a rupee. Hope and Helplessness.. 

bheed

Zara nazar uthake dekho,

Baithe hain hum yaheen..

Bekhabar mujhse kyun ho,

Itne bure bhi hum nahee..

Teri aankhon ka jaadu,

Saari duniya pe hai...

Duniya ki iss bheed main,

Sabse peeche hum khade...

It's a crowd full of lonely people out there. How ironical! Everyone feels like they are pushed behind as the crowd grows.. everyone feels angry. I call it the 'boiling water' phenomenon. As the water boils, the molecules closest to the source of heat (or gas) expand and move away and other lesser hot molecules take their place. The cycle continues.. after sometime, each molecule is pushed away and others take the hot centrestage.. and I reckon its the same thing with life and loneliness too. At any given time, there are people on the stage of 'attention'. At that time, they are given all the love, care, support.. everything goes like a fairy tale. And then it happens. They are asked to step aside as others take this stage. And evenutally they are pushed at the peripheri of the crowd.. until they get really frustrated, feel depressed, lonely and bingo! They're back on the attention centre-stage! 

I admit life is not as simple, and nor is loneliness so easily described as my 'boiling water' phenomenon. But what I conclude is, good always follows bad and similarly, attention always follows a dark phase of loneliness. We just need to be patient and alive with hope, looking forward to getting to the centre stage of attention. We need to look around and realize there are many like us, who've been pushed to the peripheri of the circle of attention.. If we identify them, and perhaps share our feelings with them, I am sure we might never find ourselves really lonely and might not even crave to get to the centre of the stage of attention! For all you know, the centre of attention will be the place where YOU are. So go on.. enjoy loneliness too! 

In a prayer

Hi God,

Perhaps, there is nothing such as fair and unfair for you in your court of justice. I feel you measure the time, the time of happiness that you allot to each one of us. And that time may be depends on the blessings we've earned in our lifetime? I dont know. And when our usage of happiness lapses, you swing into action to bring forth the dreaded dark. I am not afraid of the dark. I am too immuned, insensitive, or perhaps numb to feel it the way it has to be felt. And it's my favourite line, which I coined from my observations, 'Once you get used to the dark, you are able to actually see things around you.' May be. But I feel this time you've been cruel. Cruel in every way possible. And yet I know it's a part of life. It's a test of time that we have to pass through. It's a big confusion in my mind. Should I blame you for the mess I am in? Or should I thank you for the position I am in? Should I scream silently and act filmy and bajao the bell at the temple and say, 'aggarr bhagwaan, aapne aaisa vaisaa kuch kiaa, toh dekh lena'.. or should I instead, look at the world around me.. perhaps that little black kid that came asking for the cold drink in my hands at the traffic signal saying 'Didi, kuch peene ke liye dedo' and actually Thank You for the priviledges that you have given me in this life of mine? 

I have no answers to these. I dont even seek them. Seeking answers is not my purpose of life. But its necessary to ask the questions. I know you will answer me in your own way, at the right time. I just pray, you keep listening to me, and my questions as you always do. I just pray, you are with me, as you always are.